Food Dude and Food Dudette is back from the holiday break and ready to highlight a couple of DC noshers who only made one New Year's Resolution, and it was to be featured on WWEIL. Today we help them achieve their goal of the year; in return they teach us why a super dry, medium-dirty jalapeno martini should be your drink of 2010, and how to slap a pickle with your tongue (watch your party invites double!). Eating their way through our nation's capitol and straight into your hearts, here's Vaugh and Adam:
Vaughn, Washington DC, Pickle Tongue Slap
What is going on in this picture and are you a pickle fanatic?
YES. I am a pickle fanatic. I want to marry the pickle man at Eastern Market, but he's taken. I was doing a little pickle tongue slap:
Last thing you ate?
Chocolate truffle
Best thing you’ve eaten recently?
Dinner this week: Beef short rib stew cooked by Amelia, my friend/coworker/awesome amateur chef. Yum.
All time favorite food?
Chicken Pad Thai from Siam Bayshore in Miami.
Favorite dessert?
Indian mango sorbet and/or Baci ice cream (dark chocolate espresso hazelnut) from Frieze Ice Cream Factory in Miami (noticing a theme here...)
Favorite local restaurant?
Tie: Mandu and Cork
Favorite chain restaurant?
Wendy's
Favorite non-alcoholic drink?
Water
Favorite alcoholic beverage?
Whiskey
Ultimate food day? (Best breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snack combo)
If I had unlimited room in my belly: Sunrise pizza from Red Rocks + bottomless mimosas for breakfast; lunch would be a Tropicale combo (hot dog with pineapple, mozzarella, and special sauce + fries) from Dogma, a Miami hot dog place; I guess I'll go with that Pad Thai for dinner...or a big juicy steak, medium. With something chocolaty for dessert.
Favorite food to make yourself?
Recently, scrambled eggs with pepper and onion and a baby bell cheese; I'm not much of a chef.
What do you bring to a pot luck?
Roasted red pepper dip and bread. And wine.
What's your least favorite food?
Shrimp.
Favorite and/or least favorite food celeb?
Fave: Bobby Flay, also the Ace of Cakes people.
What do you do when you're not eating or drinking?
Body Attack.
Anything else we should know about your hilarity or food consumption?
I keep a food journal with the theory that writing down everything I eat will make me eat less. It doesn't work. I just end up writing "too much beer...", etc.
January's Food Dude:
Adam, Washington DC, Sushi Standoff
What is going on in this picture and did you almost unhinge your jaw to gulp down all this sushi at once?
This is the sushi 3 friends and I made to accompany our treehouse screening of the Mighty Ducks trilogy. We managed, in fact, to share it equitably and not eat too fast. I did eat about 1/3 of the ingredients while we were rolling, though.
Last thing you ate?
Currently eating, uncharacteristically, some kind of Asian salad wrap from a trendy place in Dupont Circle + lemongrass tea.
Best thing you’ve eaten recently?
Over the holidays, my mom and I had a great idea: We took a whole beef tenderloin, seared it on the stove, then finished it in the oven, pretty much creating a giant filet mignon. It was medium-rare the whole way through, and unfathomably tender and melty. I meant to put butter on it, but I forgot.
All time favorite food?
Toro sushi was my initial response, but I've only managed to try chu-toro, and only once. It was fantastic. "Cook it on your tongue," says Chairman Kaga of Culinary Academy.
Nothing for me can compare to a truly exceptional batch of fried rice. It has some element I cannot name... Thai-style is the closest archetype I can give. Wait--there's one thing that can compare: Inspired, well-crafted sandwiches. If I ever degenerate to the point of worshiping physical objects, it will be sandwiches/a sandwich.
Favorite dessert?
Baskin Robbins' ice cream cake, the kind that's log shaped and looks like a swirly when you cut it! It's been my favorite since my 1st birthday. Here's a picture of one incorporating mint chocolate chip ice cream, the proper flavor to use.
Favorite local restaurant?
Bistrot Du Coin
Favorite chain restaurant?
Steak 'n' Shake, the 24-hr, smoking-allowed, darling of the Midwest.
Favorite non-alcoholic drink?
Ha, I failed the 10-second challenge on this one. Water with ice cubes, green tea, coffee... I need them all. Hot and cold both have their place in the pantheon. Ogod! I forgot about orange juice. Orange juice. Final answer.
Favorite alcoholic beverage?
Super dry, medium-dirty jalapeno martini (using vodka, a rare exception). The capsaicin in peppers is alcohol-soluble so it slowly infuses the vodka, increasing the spiciness over time. Thin jalapeno slices float beautifully on the surface. As seen here!
Ultimate food day? (Best breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snack combo)
Breakfast:
I'm usually anti-breakfast... Black tea with milk, oj, and a slice of melon will do.
Lunch:
Sandwiches, authentic ramen, or that magical bowl of fried rice.
Dinner:
pre-dinner drink: Single malt Scotch, neat
appetizer: Steamed mussels, shrimp & parsley dumplings, tempura, and a dry, sparkling white wine
main course: Omakase sushi & sashimi, a braised shank over risotto, red wine... merlot?
dessert: A slice of sweet potato pie, white coffee
Snack:
An In-N-Out burger!
Favorite food to make yourself?
My recent obsession has been learning to sear the perfect crust on a big slab of fish.
What do you bring to a pot luck?
A smile <3
What's your least favorite food?
Food made without love.
Favorite and/or least favorite food celeb?
Best: Giada de Laurentiis. She's my everyday Italian.
Worst: Rachael Ray
What do you do when you're not eating or drinking?
Napping
Anything else we should know about your hilarity or food consumption?
I AM FOOD
Read about them, envy them, and aspire to be them. Have you got a favorite food? Is there a picture of yourself circulating somewhere of you eating or drinking in a way that could be amusing to others? Then e-mail in your bid to be WWEIL's Food Dude/Food Dudette of the Month to whatweeatislaughable@gmail.com subject: Food Dude/Dudette, and you could be internet food blog famous, too! Applicants accepted on a rolling basis.
We arrived in Chicago around nine having dined on leftover Gallucci’s pizza 
Girl Talk at the Congress Theatre was a blast, starting about 11:30 we all danced and partied until he called it quits around 1:00 or 1:30am. The venue was great and a movie-set style house was built as a back drop, giving the whole shindig a house party feel. And what, you may ask, did we toast the new year with? Why that champagne of beers, Miller High-Life, of course!
Post show we left our fellow revelers and made for the Flat Iron, a bar a few train stops away. Best part about this was the free train fare on New Year’s Eve, thanks Chicago! Arriving at the Flat Iron around 2:30 we grabbed a few PBRs and found our fellow revelers from the first party. After a few late night rounds our hunger returned so Nicole and I, along with her friend Gavin, trekked what seemed like a million blocks in the cold and blowy Chicago weather for some of the tastiest Mexican food north of the border: Arturo’s. Regular readers of this blog will remember Arturo’s from our last journey to Chicago, but it’s so good it bears repeating.
Arturo’s in an unassuming little place, patrons seat themselves and may have to share some of the larger tables should the place become overly crowded, as it was at about 4am on New Year’s Eve/Day. Luckily we were able to find a table to ourselves in the back corner. Service was a little slow that evening, but it was completely filled and probably had been since earlier that evening so I can’t fault them for being delicious and busy as a result. Eventually we ordered and our food arrived, it was slow but well worth the wait. I ordered a taco barbacoa: tender, savory steamed beef (think Mexican pot roast); one taco al pastor: spit roasted, seasoned beef (the “Mexican Gyro”), and a quesadilla (not on the menu, but they seem happy to make it for you). Everything was so delicious and simple, there aren’t tons of layers of cheese or excessive amounts of lettuce and tomato, just the filler, some onion, and a bit of cilantro on a homemade corn tortilla (which I think is their secret). Sated and weary we wandered back into the cold and made for Gavin’s apartment, which was the closest crash pad.
The next morning we needed to excise the bit of hangover still hanging around, so the three of us walked to the Silver Could. A simple bar and restaurant, Silver Cloud offers delicious breakfast options and a tasty lunch/dinner menu. Looking for something simple and homey, I ordered the breakfast sandwich. Two eggs over medium, cheddar, and bacon on whole wheat was just what the doctor ordered, and the few bites I had of Nicole’s Salmon Benedict were pretty amazing, too. I think a mark of a good restaurant is the quality of their Hollandaise sauce. As a long time not-fan of the warm yellowy topping I believe that if a restaurant can make a Hollandaise that I can not only eat but enjoy then it must be good. Plus a little smoked salmon never hurt nothing.
We made it to Handle Bar in one frozen piece hungry and excited to eat. Handle Bar, for my Cleveland readers, is kind of like having Tommy’s relocate to the Grog Shop, serving up delicious vegan, vegetarian, and seafood dishes in a punk atmosphere—we dined to the entirety of the Ramones’ eponymous debut and then a solid chunk of the Nugets collection. Despite our chilly exteriors we chose to warm our insides with a pint each of Three Floyds’ Pride & Joy. A “mild ale” according to their website, Pride & Joy as a wonderful floral nose with a nice hop punch up front and smooth citrusy finish. Much like Tommy’s, Handle Bar’s menu is pretty simple featuring lots of sandwiches. Having had little vegetable matter in us in the last 48 hours or so Nicole chose the Green Meanie: avocado, herbed goat cheese, spinach, sprouts, tomato, and honey mustard on whole grain bread. The tomato-less bite I had was delicious! Also feeling the need for green I chose the Grilled Tofu sandwich: spice rubbed tofu, spinach, sprouts, and avocado spread on wholegrain bread. The spice crust on the tofu was excellent and didn’t mind the hot sauce boost I gave it, this was completed by the creamy avocado spread, and all this soft palate food was counter pointed by the crisp greens. But, as good as the beer and sandwiches were the real star of the show that night was the smoked gouda mac-n-cheese. Oh. My. Fucking. God. This was one of the most delicious things I’ve ever been fortunate to put in my eat hole. Perfectly prepared the noodles were still a little al dente, the sauce was thick and creamy, and the smokiness of the Gouda provided excellent balance to the rich sauce it helped create. I’m going out on a limb here, but I’ll say it: best mac-n-cheese, ever.
With beer and (mostly) healthy, (totally) delicious food to steel ourselves against the cold we journeyed out into the arctic winds once more. Our ultimate destination was Inner Town Pub where our friends were continuing the weekend’s festivities, but we had another stop to make along the way. I’ve been lucky to have Nicole with my on these last few trips to Chicago. Having lived there for several years she knows a lot more interesting places to eat and drink than I could ever hope to stumble on or Google search for. Her suggestion for a digestif was The Violet Hour. Stashed away in a relatively unmarked building on North Damen, Violet Hour seeks to recreate the atmosphere of prohibition era speakeasies. The serve sophisticated, classic cocktails sometimes with a modern twist in a sprawling, mostly candle lit dining room and bar, with booths and tables masked from one another by curtains and high backs. Adding to atmosphere and mystery, Violet Hour concocts a large portion of their drink components, going so far as to brew their own bitters and steep their own flavored liqueurs. What does this all mean? Amazing cocktails well worth the $12 price tag, served in a bar the likes of which are rarely seen these days. I ordered the Daisy 17, assembled thusly: Wild Turkey 101 Rye, lemon, house Grenadine, and house orange bitters. As a flourish before serving, the drink is also showered by flaming orange oil. Sha, and might I add Zam! Not only did this taste amazing, sweet from the grenadine, sour from the lemon, bitter from the bitters and rye; but it packs quite a whallop. Despite the mixers the Daisy 17 is still mostly rye, and 101 proof at that. Top three mixed drinks of all time? I’d say so. Nicole’s drink was equally complex and delicious, and though the name escapes me at the moment, it was along the lines of a dry Manhattan spiked with the Violet Hour’s house made coffee bitters. If you’re looking to impress that special someone on your next trip to Chicago, Violet Hour is a must, just be patient trying to find it.
The Cadillacs of cocktails fueling our engines and stoking our furnaces we continued our icy walk to the Inner Town Pub. A dim, dirty, dive of a bar where I felt a little more comfortable, or certainly not under dressed, at the Inner Town. We found our friends and discussed the night’s adventures over pints of Pinhead Pale Ale. One of the lighter entries in the pale ale family, Pinhead is fully but not overwhelmingly hoppy, yielding floral and light citrus tastes from its bouquet. A great jumping off point for people interested in pale ales but wary of too much hops. Having lost track of time and arriving later in the evening we had time for only a beer before last call. It was at this point that a decision had to be made: continue the party elsewhere or call it a night. The call to party on was made. The new question was: where?
Because of our location and the time of night a few of us—Nicole, Maureen, Sara, and me—ventured on to The Continental. Another dive-y bar that keeps its doors open until 4am. Among the first of the late night crowd to arrive we had no problem ordering a few PBRs and finding a seat. Within a half-hour or so the place began to fill up with other folks looking to keep the night alive. We drank our beers and talked a while until the DJs started playing really fantastic music. Mostly obscure 60’s funk/soul/R&B so we all decided to get up and cut a rug. We danced and drank cheap beer until getting the boot at 4:00 when we finally decided to call it a night. Although in not-unreasonable walking distance, it was certainly no warmer at 4am that it had been at 2, midnight, or 10 so we were eternally grateful for the grouchy cab driver who picked us up.
After a good night’s sleep we awoke with one last mission before leaving Chicago: best lunch ever. It was determined that the place offering best odds on this endeavor was the now infamous Kuma’s Corner. What had started out as a not-so-quiet little bar and restaurant has become the heavy metal hang out for hipsters, foodies, and families alike. However, our first attempt to dine in was foiled by the enormous line for tables, like 3 hours or so. We left, investigated some local vintage stores, and picked up Maureen before heading back to Kuma’s. This time we were, as they say, “in it to win it,” so we hunkered down for the 2-3 hour wait. The wait was interesting as we got to see the vast array of Kuma’s clientele. There were, of course, the requisite metal dudes sporting their favorite black tee shirts emblazoned with increasingly inscrutable metal fonts and gory imagery. There were also the cool kids, investigating some place that’s been recently recognized as “hip enough.” But the strangest groups of people waiting for tables were the families. Kuma’s décor is pretty minimal, simple tables and chairs, a nicely carved bar, fairly well lit, but the music was primarily metal and the art on the walls was comprised largely of prints of partially naked women in bondage gear, some covered in Technicolor-red blood. No skin off my back, really, but it did make me wonder what the parents of the tweens waiting for burgers were thinking when they noticed. Anyways, we waited and waited before finally deciding that a beer might help the waiting process so Nicole and I split a pint of Three Floyds’ Gumball Head, the brewery’s wheat beer offering that drinks like an ale. Gumball Head is less cloudy than most wheat beers and way hoppier, too, but the hops and the wheat balance out making for a seriously enjoyable brew with bitter-sweet citrus notes. Unfortunately Three Floyds doesn’t distribute here in Ohio but if you’re ever in the greater Chicago metropolitan area pick up a case or two! We continued waiting, and waiting and finally decided that the second hour of waiting deserved another beer, this round: Three Floyds’ Alpha King. An amber colored American pale ale, Alpha King was definitely the most intense of the Three Floyds beers I tried on this trip. Just a hint of malt on the tip of the tongue then it’s all hops. Bracingly bitter with a grapefruit finish and a kiss of pine aftertaste, perfection in a glass. And our wait wore on and on, we watched all sorts of people come and go, drooling over the amazing food that was being hurried past us but a wait staff that no doubt saw the hunger and desperation in our eyes. And then, finally, just as we began to give up hope they called our names.
Seated, we poured over the menu trying to figure what to eat and what we’d seen served during our wait. There was the mountainous Slayer a burger served atop a plate of fries and topped with anger! There were the pulled pork fries, barbequed pork and cheese draped atop Kuma’s waffle fries. And, of course, there was the build-your-own mac-n-cheese. So many options but only one stomach. It was agreed before we were seated that our repast would consist of, at least in part, the pulled pork fries. This was a great decision. The pork is perfectly slow-cooked and drenched in one of the best barbeque sauces I’ve ever tasted. Spicy and sweet like a good barbeque sauce should be, but there was something else to it that pushed it past good and way into great. What that was, though, I’m not sure. And as if amazing pulled pork and waffle fries weren’t enough the whole thing is topped with melted jack cheese! The cheese provides just enough saltiness to counterbalance the sweet (but not too sweet) barbeque sauce. This is a must for any/all visits to Kuma’s. Round two brought us Kuma’s famous customizable mac-n-cheese; we added bacon and caramelized onions. There have been some mighty high praises of Kuma’s mac-n-cheese sung on this blog, and make no mistake it is really good, but it still places second to Handle Bar’s smoked gouda variation. Bacon and caramelized onions were definitely good adds.
Finally, the reason we came. Round three arrived and we were not disappointed by the monstrous mounded before us. In my corner: Neurosis with cheddar, Swiss, caramelized onions, sautéed mushrooms, and horseradish mayo. Cooked a perfect medium, this burger is hearty and mouthwatering with the sweet onions providing counterpoint to the salty cheese, the mushrooms adding to the meatiness of the 10oz patty, and enough horseradish in the mayo to alert the sinuses. I chose well. Nicole chose the eponymous Kuma Burger. Topped with cheddar, bacon, and a fried egg it was our skipped breakfast and dinner all in one. It should also be noted that while we all know about the magic of bacon, Kuma’s bacon is in a league of its own, incredibly rich pork flavor and perfectly smoked; it should be a side dish. On the opposite side of the table Sara ordered the Kaijo topped with more of this amazing bacon, bleu cheese, and “frizzled” onions. Long, thin strands of fried onion, the frizzled onions were mounded on top her burger like some delicious bird’s nest. And finally Maureen tried the Plague Bringer. Kuma’s spicy burger, the Plague Bringer is Kuma’s 10oz burger topped with roasted garlic mayo, tortilla strips, Chicago CO-OP hot sauce, fresh garlic, pepper jack, and sliced jalapenos. According to her it was more than a little spicy, but judging by the looks of it the tongue pain was probably well worth it.
