From the Liver Punisher WTF Files: Wienie-tini

Nicole’s roommate, Morgan, recently won a bottle of Bakon brand bacon flavored vodka. Let me reiterate the fact that this was won and thankfully not purchased. Once the seal was broken and the bottle open we all waited patiently for her to dole out some tastes. I was excited by the prospect of this bizarre draught, but was quickly disappointed.

The initial taste is of ultra-astringent cheap vodka, like the kind for sale a grocery stores and convenience marts in plastic gallon jugs. The cheap-stuff burn is bad enough, but it’s quickly replaced by an overwhelming smokiness which isn’t apparent in the “bouquet,” like chasing a shot of cheap vodka with a slug of liquid smoke. While neither of these is appealing, the actual worst part of the whole experience is the unaccountable-for fatty aftertaste. I don’t know how it’s done, but the after taste and mouth feel are similar to that of chomping on a nub of bacon fat.

And while this is most certainly a no-thank-you for me, it’s not the weirdest meat flavored vodka on the market, the Alaska Distillery has the corner on that market. But I was definitely curious so I visited the Bakon website for more info. After scrolling through some basic web business boiler plate I hit the mother load of what-the-fuckery: the recipe page.

My first though after tossing back a spot of this off-putting drank was bacon Bloody Mary, it’s their “flagship” cocktail, and something I’m sure tastes more than a bit like barbeque sauce juice. My favorite, and the most appealing by far, is the Waffle Shot, equal parts Pinnacle Whipped and Bakon. And the list goes on and on and on and never really sounds appealing, to whit the poorly named and awful sounding Scottish Bacon, equal parts Bakon and Scotch. Mmm… pass. But as off put as I was by this train wreck, I couldn’t stop thinking about how to work this into a silly little cocktail with a silly little name, and thus the Wienie-tini was born.

Ingredients:

- 2oz Bakon brand bacon flavored vodka

- 1oz grape vodka

- Dash hot chili sauce

Make It So:

- Pour vodkas into a shaker with ice and add hot sauce to taste

- Shake and strain into cocktail glass

- Garnish with a cooked and cooled cocktail wiener on a sword

- Enjoy?

My favorite aspect of this drink is my painfully clever name, so that should tell you something

about it.

The Liver Punisher and the Triumphant Return of the Liver Punisher Drink of the Month Club: Drink of the Month

While there is some serious shittalking and muckraking done on a regular basis in the name of food—proper seasoning etiquette, rare vs. well-done, etc.—it’s arguable that the only thing people get more riled up about than how their steak is cooked is their booze.

Bourbon or Scotch, lager or ale, gin or vodka, Mickey’s or Colt 45. There are as many fair arguments to be made as there are taste buds in your eat hole. Perhaps there is no booze related argument more heated, though, than what constitutes a “correct” martini. Dryness and the proper inclusion of vermouth being the chief sources of these arguments. A classic martini calls for a whopping table spoon of dry vermouth stirred with 2oz of quality gin, a delicious and acceptable recipe. On the other hand, noted martini enthusiast Winston Churchill’s recipe called for ice cold gin served by a bartender who had glanced at a bottle of vermouth while shaking the drink. All other recipes fall somewhere in between, save for the inverted or “upside-down” martini which calls for 2oz of vermouth shaken with half an ounce of gin. Yum?

My personal history with this most iconic of concoctions is checkered at best. The first few times I tried this at home I wound up with a glass full of no-thanks and a long held belief that gin was just the most worst thing ever. A gin-and-tonics phase, and gin better than Tanqueray, helped erase that erroneous belief, but the martini still left me cold. Gin, basically on its own, is a bitter, pungent, astringent quaff that falls squarely in the learn-to-like camp with Scotch. Slowly I warmed to the idea of a glass of icy-cold gin, nudged along by my introduction to Hendrick’s. (Occasionally derided by “purists” as “novelty” gin as it’s distilled with cucumbers and rose petals, there is, in fact, no gin governing body or—please forgive me—Gin-eva convention regarding the production or ingredients of gin. Gin is basically defined as neutral spirits flavored with juniper berries and other botanicals. What those other botanicals are is left to the distiller’s imagination.)

With my interest in martini’s renewed I began playing around with the basic ingredients again. My initial results, while not amazing, were on the right path. With due diligence I continued to experiment and finally reached some common ground with the martini. While I certainly like and understand the appeal of both the classic and dry martini, they are almost painfully simple. Gin. Vermouth. Two notes that sound fine together but need to be supplemented in order to form a chord (metaphor courtesy of Alton Brown). And so it is with great pride and pleasure that I present to the world the Liver Punisher Tonic-less G&T Martini:

Ingredients:

- 2oz good quality gin

- Splash dry vermouth

- 1 dash bitters

- Generous wedge of lime, about 1/8-1/12 lime

Do It:

- Fill glass with ice and water, set aside to chill

- Fill a mixing glass with ice

- Pour splash of vermouth into mixing cup and swirl to coat ice and sides of cup. Pour off excess vermouth

- Add one dash of bitters and a generous squeeze of lime to the mixing cup, then add gin

- Stir for about thirty seconds

- Empty chilled glass and drop in spent lime wedge

- Strain drink into chilled glass and enjoy!

This martini, like most great drinks, is a pleasure for both the mouth and nose. The pine-y pungency of the gin is well balanced by the bold citrusy nose of the lime, while the subtle hint of the vermouth and bitters and the sour bite of the lime balance the ultra assertive taste of the gin. If made correctly the aftertaste should be very similar to a well balanced gin and tonic. And that’s one of the things I found most appealing about this recipe, the result yields a drink where taste evolves as each sip passes over the palate and down the throat.

The C^6 or: ConstantCommentChocolateChocolateChipCookies

A coworker recently suggested that we have a holiday cookie exchange at work this week. Always game for some baking I said I'd participate, but what to bring? I flipped through some recipes I had saved on my computer, but nothings sounded that amazing. I mean they're all good picks, but I'd made them all before and I try my best to not repeat a performance in the kitchen, regardless of the projects success of failure. There are just to damn many recipes in the world to shackle myself to one or two for all of eternity. So I was thinking about flavors and Googling random combinations of words when it hit me.

I suddenly recalled a few weeks prior when I'd been snacking on some chocolates and a cup of Earl Grey tea. While certainly no stranger to the delightful combination of citrus and chocolate I was struck by how exceptionally delicious this particular mixture was. For the rest of the day and maybe the day after I pondered further applications of these flavors. Earl Grey Hot Coco? Earl Grey Chocolate Cake? But was ultimately stymied in pursuing these ventures by my lack of Bergamont oil, the cornerstone of Earl Grey subtle yet sumptuous flavor. Not yet foiled I began to consider other similar combinations. Didn't Constant Comment also feature a bold citrus note? Did it not also feature a melange of spices that sang alto and tenor to the orange-y high soprano? And wouldn't a rich, booming, chocolaty bass note round out this gastronomic barbershop quartet?

With the idea in place I began to piece together the puzzle of this recipe. It would be a chocolate chocolate-chip cookie for sure, light on the chips, with the spicy, orange zing of Constant Comment hidden within. The cookie part was easy, a simple variation on basic cookie recipes, but unlocking the secrets to the spices would prove to be harder.

Consulting the side of the box and the Bigelow website was about as helpful as asking the Colonel for help in decoding the secret to chicken seasoning, or Mr. A-Cola for the secret to his coke recipe. "Black tea, orange, spices" were all the help they were going to give. I started to scour the Internet for hints or ideas as to what spices should be employed and more importantly in what proportions.

Any drinker of Constant Comment will note that the spices, while bold and assertive, never dominate the flavor of orange and tea, it's a very delicate balance that has been struck but the Bigelows are traipsing that tight rope with ease. My concern was both over and under spicing the cookies. Too much and the cookies would be ruined. Too little and, well, what was the point of digging through the spice cabinet?

Eventually I'd found a few recipes in which people had attempted to channel the flavor of Constant Comment into assorted pastries, primarily cakes. While the amounts and formulations for a cake batter and cookie dough would surely be different, the consensus amongst internet bakers and tea aficionados was that cinnamon and clove where the important flavors in CC, but how much was an entirely different story. Checking the recipes for a number of spice cookie recipes I soon noticed a trend in spice ratios. Specifically checking the cinnamon-to-clove rates it seemed that for every teaspoon of cinnamon being used there was usually about a quarter teaspoon of clove for a comparably sized recipe--that is to say 3 cups flour, 2 sticks butter, and sugars in a pair, tree. The only other component to quantify was the orange. What was the best way to get orange flavor into a cookie? My first thought was liquid orange extract with a boost from real orange zest. My shopping excursion failed to yield any such elixir, but from various web recipes I was able to determine that truly orange-y cookies required an orange's worth of zest or so. But the big, bad bass in these cookies was going to be brash and robust so timid little orange was going to need help making its voice heard along with all the other voices. I invited a friend along for the ride.

With all the players in place I set out to create my cookies, but would they turn out? Were this going to sing with the angels on high or would the be, "kinda pitchy, dawg"? I would soon see.

When I finally hit the kitchen, iPod ready to rock, this is the recipe I was packing:

Ingredients:
• 2¼ cup flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• ½ cup unsweetened cocoa
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• ¼ teaspoon cloves
• 2 sticks butter, softened
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup brown sugar, packed
• 2 large eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• Zest of 2 medium/large oranges
• ½ bag dark chocolate chips

Directions:
• Preheat oven to 375
• Sift together flour, salt, baking soda, cocoa, and spices
• In the work bowl of a blender cream together granulated sugar and butter until light an fluffy
• Add brown sugar and continue to cream
• Once butter and sugars are well combined add the eggs one at a time followed by the vanilla
• Add orange zest and mix
• Gradually mix the flour mixture into the butter/sugar mix
• Once all ingredients are thoroughly combined stir in chocolate chips
• Drop by the tablespoonful onto parchment lined sheets
• Bake on center rack of oven for 10-12 minutes or until edges are slightly darkened and just set
• Allow to rest on pan for a minute before transferring to wire cooling racks

If the smell of the dough and the baking cookies were reasonable indicators, as so often they are, then I felt for sure I was on to something. And when the first sheet emerged from the oven and had cooled enough for consumption I was more than pleased with what I had wrought. One of the most interesting things that occurred during the prep, cooking, and eating of these beauties, though, was the dominance of the spices in the dough and the emergence of the orange in the finished product. Smelling and sampling some uncooked dough I was pleased by the spiciness. Cinnamon's tenor and clove's alto were harmonizing beautifully while chocolate did it's best Barry White, but sweet little orange, while on stage and belting its lungs out, seemed to have a bum mic. However, following an intermission in the oven and a second act on the cooling rack orange found its voice, dueling with chocolate for vocal supremacy while relegating the spice twins to the status of the Pips, Vandellas, or Miracles. No less important, just less recognizable

In closing I offer these variations for future applications of this recipe. Enjoy!

Options:
• Try using orange extract in lieu of vanilla for a stronger orange flavor
• Try using 1½ teaspoon of cinnamon and ½ teaspoon of clove for a more intense spiciness
• Try cocoa nibs instead of dark chocolate chips for a more bitter/sweet taste, 4-6oz should do

Pozole (to be sung to the tune of "Volare")

I know, I know, you're thinking: "Man, I've been nixtamalizing corn all summer and fall, what am I going to do with all this hominy? Everyone I know is so sick of grits." I've got one word for you...

Pozole!

Traditional Mexican pork, hominy and chile stew. The pre-conquistador Aztec version used fresh human meat. Spanish priests switched it to pork because it apparently tastes very similar. You may want to leave that detail out until after everybody eats.

Here's a recipe I lifted and adapted from this random guy on the internet. His version seemed too heavy on the hominy for my taste. I do agree that the Hatch green chiles are the way to go here. They are hard to find, but worth it if you can get 'em. This is super easy to make. Sorry for the lack of pictures to prove it.

INGREDIENTS:
2-29 oz. cans white hominy
4-5 pounds pork tenderloin (cut into small chunks)
1 large yellow onion (finely chopped)
16 oz. green chiles, heat level at your discretion - NOTE: Don't sub jalapenos! Trust me.
1 tablespoon minced/chopped/pressed garlic
2 oz. menudo spice mix or chili powder
1 teaspoon dry oregano
salt (lots)
pepper (lots)
olive oil

In a large stock pot (the ingredients above will yield about 6 quarts) combine the hominy, chopped onions, garlic, oregano and green chile. Cover the ingredients with water, then add a little more. Add a lot of salt and pepper. I mean, A LOT. Put in what you think is too much, then add some more; it'll need it. Boil the mixture while you prepare the meat.

Heat some olive oil in a frying pan and brown the pork slowly. It doesn't have to be cooked entirely through, just sear the outside. Add a reasonable amount of salt and pepper here. You may have to do this in batches: 4-5 pounds of pork cubes don't conveniently fit in one frying pan.

Once the pork is browned, stir it into the stock pot with the other ingredients. Once it starts boiling again, turn down the heat and let it simmer for 15 minutes. Stir, then bring to a boil again. Reduce heat, stir and allow this to simmer for about six hours, stirring about every 30 minutes to keep the bottom from burning. About half way through, add salt and pepper to taste.

For best results, ladle the finished pozole into smaller containers and put it in the refrigerator overnight. Reheat and serve with grated cheese and yellow corn tortillas/tortilla chips.

Fast, Delicious Fish Tacos!

Hungry and in need of some quick, tasty, and healthy eats a few nights back, Nicole and I made a quick trip to Dave’s for vittles. It had been predetermined that tacos were our course of action, but the kind of taco had yet to be decided. Unfortunately Dave’s at Cedar and Fairmount doesn’t carry the box of fake taco meat that we really enjoy (especially if you cook the “meat” with beeraritas instead of water!) so we decided on fish tacos instead.

Picking out fish for fish tacos is a tricky feat. On the one hand you want the tacos to taste awesome and that starts with some good fish. On the other hand blowing a bunch of dough on fancy cuts of designer fish is stupid if you’re just going to top the tacos with sour cream, onion, cilantro, hot sauce, etc. A nice middle of the road, mild white fish is ideal for these applications, and really these alone. The tilapia prices were a tad high at Dave’s that night, and I’ve never heard of basa (and after reading this, maybe I’m glad we chose otherwise) so we got a pound of catfish nuggets. Catfish has a clean, mild fishy taste, ideal for lots of cooking applications and it is possible to farm raise cat fish in ways that are both economically and environmentally sound. Catfish nuggets seem to be the ends of fillets and other cuts, not the prettiest pieces of fish I’ve ever seen (there were some free guts attached to ours!) but they would end up working nicely.

Our plan was to cut the fish into little bite sized pieces and pan fry them before they met tortilla. In order to impart some flavor and texture to them before they hit the pan I dredged them in cornmeal and chili powder with a little salt and pepper mixed in. I fried them for about a minute on each side in about an eighth of an inch of vegetable oil. In a medium frying pan this took about three batches to get through all the fish. As each batch finished I let them drain on paper towels and hit them with a pinch of salt and a few grinds of pepper. To dress our tacos I finely chopped some onion and cilantro while Nicole made a creama out of sour cream, lime, and cilantro by pureeing the three in a bowl with a stick blender.

While all this other cooking was going on we had a black bean side dish simmering on another burner. While there is no defined recipe, this bean dish is something we’ve been tinkering with for a while now. The only real set ingredients are beans, beer, salt, and pepper. To make this we start by draining and rinsing a can of black beans. The beans go into a small sauce pan with a bout 4oz of beer, nothing fancy, usually PBR. The beans then get seasoned with salt and pepper. Since our cooking usually veers towards Mexican a few healthy dashes of Mexican spices go into the beans with some big splashes of hot sauce—Valentina or garlic Cholula—and a good squeeze of lime. If it’s around and/or we remember a clove of garlic is usually crushed and stirred in. Onions are optional before, during, after, or not at all. Cook this all together, stirring occasionally, until the beans soften slightly and most of the beer has cooked away. These are excellent already but can be dressed with hot sauce, sour cream, cilantro, onion, lime or any combination of the above.

Once all the fish was cooked and the beans were ready we lightly sautéed tortillas in a small frying pan with a few drops of olive oil to give them a little color and flavor as well as taking the chill of the refrigerator off; a pinch of salt on the tortillas while the oil is still hot is a nice finishing touch. If you’re disinclined towards this method you can always wet a few paper towels and ring them out at thoroughly as possible. Lay the paper towels out and lay the tortillas end to end across the towels. Roll this all up into a loose tube and pop it in the microwave for 15-45 seconds depending on the size and quantity of the tortillas and your microwave.

To assemble our fish tacos we made a small bed of creama for the fish to lay in then dropped five or six of the fish bites onto the tortilla. These were topped with a few minced onions and some cilantro along with hot sauce and a pinch of lime. The beans received a dollop of the creama as well, and some more lime and hot sauce. Altogether a simple, delicious meal that we devoured as we watched the fantastic 80’s horror homage House of the Devil.

If I had to do it all over again, and I definitely would, instead of seasoning the fish then frying it in oil I would cut the fish and let it marinate in some oil for half an hour or so. I would season the oil with chili powder, cayenne powder, and lime zest. Just before they hit the pan I’d drain the fish bites of excess oil and let them sear in the pan for about two minutes total. While the corn meal I used above gave the fish a bit of texture I think this method would allow the out side of the fish to sear better and develop a bit more flavor.

Liver Punisher Drink of the Month Club: October Drink of the Month!!!

Despite the impending cold and winter we’re about to endure it’s still fall and that means a few amazing things. Topping that list of awesome fall perks are the amazing beers that are released this time of year. Rich, full bodied Oktoberfest beers abound. These big, bold lagers, usually Marzen style, are deep brown or amber in color and are well balanced between sweet and malty, bitter and hoppy, with just a hint of yeastiness. Great Lakes Brewing Company makes one of the best on the market if you’re looking for something nice, but I just finished the last bottle from six pack of Dundee’s Oktoberfest and, man, was it tasty. And at a few bucks cheaper than the GLBC the price is right, too.

BUT!!! That’s not what I’m here to talk about today. No, today is about that other fine fall libation your favorite brewery is probably filling the shelves with as we speak. I’m talking, of course, about Pumpkin Ales! Bright, bold beers brewed with pumpkin and spice that warm body and soul even if they’ve just come out of the fridge or the tap. And there’s a huge variety of them out there to try, ranging from the sweet pumpkin pie and vanilla taste of Southern Tier’s Pumpking to the subtler, spicier Ichabod from New Holland; and everywhere in between you’ll find something to suit your tastes.

AND!!! Finally we arrive at the subject of October’s Liver Punisher Drink-of-the-Month Club’s October Drink-of-the-Month! Inspired by my love of hearty stouts, delicious pumpkin ales, and a favorite drink of Nicole’s I submit: the Black King!

The ingredient list is short and the construction is simple so please, do try at home:

The Software:
Guinness
Southern Tier Pumpking (or other pumpkin ale of your preference)

The Hardware:
Pint Glass
Large soup or table spoon

The How-To:
Fill half a pint glass with pumpkin ale. Place the spoon over the opening of the glass and slowly (slowly) pour the Guinness over the back of the spoon—the Guinness in the draught can with the nitrogen widget works best for this.

Better yet, head over to your favorite watering hole, one that has both pumpkin ales and Guinness on tap, of course, and have your favorite neighborhood bartender pour it for you! These half-n-half applications always turn out better when draught beer is involved.

If all goes well you should have a beautiful half-and-half just waiting to be gulped down. I prefer the Pumpking for this application because of it’s bright, spicy taste, it’s nutty/vanilla aftertaste, and it’s gorgeous orange hue. Dogfish Head’s gnarly Punkin ale or Post Road’s beautifully simple pumpkin ale would also make fine substitutions.

Pork Burger Dinner Party!

As part of what we hope becomes a monthly-or-so occurrence, and as repayment for such a delightful dinner, Nicole and I made dinner for Norm and Katie a few weeks ago. The food was delicious, the drinks refreshing, and the company out of this world.

The menu was simple: sage and rosemary pork burgers, apple slaw, and sweet potato fries with grown up Californias to wash it all down. Simple, but delicious twists on the ever classic burger-n-fry combo.

Here’s how it all comes together:

Before any cooking can get underway, it’s important to stoke the fires of creativity and hunger with a cool refreshing cocktail. Katie and Norm brought the mixings to make an adult variation on the popular Swenson’s libation known as the California. Swenson’s, a popular Akron-area drive-in burger chain makes theirs out of ginger ale, grape juice, and a lemon wedge. We made ours like this:
Fill a highball glass with ice, pour in 1½-2oz of grape vodka (they brought Skyy). Fill remainder of glass with ginger ale and garnish with a slice of lemon.

This is basically a fun, fruity take on a buck or mule, the classic combination of liquor, ginger ale, and citrus. While the grape flavor dominates the concoction, the spicy hints of ginger and the tart bite of the lemon bring balance and depth to the drink. The perfect sipper when standing around a hot grill.

As a side dish we whipped up some “perfect oven sweet potato fries.” I’ve tried similar recipes to this before but this time they actually turned out the way I hoped they would. We started with 2 medium-large sized sweet potatoes which I skinned and chopped into even sized pieces. Or at least as even as I could. I then arranged the potato bits on a cookie sheet and drizzled olive oil over them and tossed to coat all sides. Once they were sufficiently coated I seasoned them with salt and pepper. All set and ready to go I placed them in an oven pre-heated to 450. The baked for 15 minutes the first time before being removed, flipped and baked again for about seven minutes. The recipe called for a 15 then ten minute term in the oven, but after the first 15 things were well on their way so we shortened the second cook time to prevent total charification. The finished product was slightly overdone in a few spots but basically yielded fries that were crisp and toasty on the outside, soft and sweet on the inside. About as good as they get without a deep fryer. We served these with sriracha and a sauce of Nicole’s invention made from sour cream, cinnamon, and brown sugar. Sweet and spicy with that excellent acrid funk from the sour cream, this was the perfect dip for these fried beauties.

The main course came courtesy of a recipe Nicole found in Self magazine. Pork burgers seasoned with thyme and sage, topped with spinach, chive “mayo,” and apple slaw sounded great on paper, seemed easy enough, too, but could we pull it off at home? Totally. Everything was easy to find and assemble, but the results were far beyond anything we expected.

For the burgers: combine ½ pound each of lean ground beef and pork with a tablespoon of chopped fresh rosemary and a tablespoon of sage, also chopped fresh, and season with a healthy pinch of salt (about ¼ teaspoon). Since we were feeding five of us and two members of the dining party have removed beef from their diet we subbed more pork in for the beef and doubled all ingredients. This yielded 6 1/3 pound burgers that cooked for about 15 minutes total over both direct and indirect heat.

For the “mayo”: combine 2 tablespoons of chopped, fresh chives with ½ cup of low- or non-fat sour cream. Season liberally with salt and pepper, stirring to combine.

For the slaw: peel and core 3 firm, ripe green apples, ours were Granny Smith. Grate the apples on the widest side of a box grater. Place apples in a bowl and dress with olive oil, 2 teaspoons; lemon juice, 1 teaspoon; and salt, another healthy pinch or two in the ¼ teaspoon neighborhood. Toss ingredients to combine and let sit for flavors to marry.

Once the burgers are finished place them on buns and top with the slaw, “mayo,” and plenty of spinach. Serve with fries and icy cold Californias for a great evening meal.

I managed to cook the burgers perfectly, I’d alternately over and under done things the last few times I’d manned the grill, but this was the confidence boost I needed to get back behind the flipper. Well seared and marked on the outside, just lightly pink, hot, and juicy on the inside. The sage/rosemary combination added muscle and earthiness to the sweet pig flesh and played well with the excellent smokey grill taste. The tangy bite of chives and sour cream added some fattiness to the dish and accompanied the sweet/sour dynamic of the apple slaw perfectly. While the delicate taste of the spinach was all but lost in this complex, flavorful burger, the texture of the crisp green leaves was exactly what this otherwise soft palate meal needed.

It’s unfortunately rare to create something so perfect in the comfort of one’s own swelteringly hot kitchen, but when it happens, especially in the company of friends, it’s truly one of life’s greatest pleasures.

http://www.self.com/fooddiet/recipes/2004/12/rosemary-sage-burgers
http://www.instructables.com/id/Perfect-Oven-Sweet-Potato-Fries/
http://www.swensonsdriveins.com/default.asp

South of the Border con El Castigador del Hígado

The season premiere of Mad Men aired this past Sunday and we celebrated with a little get together and hors d’oeuvres buffet. The snacks were simple: chips, dip, snack mix, cheese and crackers, etc. Nothing fancy or mind blowing just fun and filling and easy to share.

BUT! We drank well. Very well. Guests, Paul and Alicia, contributed a six pack of Dundee’s Summer Wheat ale. A crisp, refreshing, golden hoppy wheat beer that I’m sure was had at a price that belied its tastiness. My offering to the party was a pitcher of sangria.

I’ve mixed and tested numerous batches of the red stuff over the years. It’s a great summer libation, perfect with Spanish or Mexican dishes, of course, but also excellent with summer grill fare or on its own before dinner. Plus it’s one of the easiest ways to treat you and guests to a delicious, refreshing beverage.

Having tasted a few variations of the drink I think I’ve found the perfect version. It’s simple, flavorful, and, best of all, not loaded down with fruit salad. (A quick aside: I understand the concept of “eating with your eyes.” That presentation is important. But when did it become acceptable practice to scrimp on the drink by filling glasses with soggy fruit. I know the old song and dance about how “the fruit absorbs the booze and then you eat it and it gets you drunk.” But I call bull shit. Save for porous apples and melons fruits have skins designed to keep fruit juice in and foreign liquids out so a whole, skin on grape is going to absorb next to nothing. Besides, good fruit is so full of liquid already, somewhere between 70 and 80% that there’s little to no room for it to absorb booze. At best alcohol soluble essential oils and fruit juice will leach into the punch/sangria/hairy buffalo adding some depth of flavor—although it will likely be imperceptible in the presence of high proof grain alcohol and Froot Punch Kool-Aid—but any loss of liquid from the fruit or break down of pectin due to prolonged soaking will make the fruit limp and unpleasant. Using frozen melon balls in lieu of ice cubes for some drinks is fine, topping a cocktail with a fruit salad is not. Ever. Thank you.) and now back to our regularly scheduled food blog posting...

Anywhoozle, the recipe, gleaned from the beverage section of a favorite Mexican/South American cookbook of mine, goes a little something like this:

Ingredients:

1 bottle (750mL) red wine

½ cup orange juice

½ cup brandy

¼ cup super fine (castor) sugar

Juice of 2 limes

Instructions:

Mix all ingredients in a large pitcher. Refrigerate for at least two hours. Serve over ice with garnish of lemon slices.

Notes:

For this party I used a shiraz, but any mostly dry red will due. I’ve had good luck with cabernet sauvignon in the past, pino noir is good, too, but merlot may be too dry in most cases. Don’t be tempted to use a sweet red as Sangria is a drink of checks and balances. The drier, spicier, sometimes bitter notes of dry reds are essential to the balance of the drink. Besides you’re going to be adding sugar and orange juice. This is a cold, mixed drink so the quality of wine isn’t urgent, but it should be something you’d be willing to drink on its own. I used Barefoot, about $6 per bottle, but I wouldn’t go a whole lot cheaper, unless you can find Crane Lake. If you don’t have castor sugar, a super finely ground that dissolves easily in water, fear not! Either give regular table sugar a spin in the food processor until finely ground OR make up a 1:1 simple syrup by heating ¼ cup sugar and ¼ cup water until completely dissolved. Some recipes call for triple sec, a sweet orange flavored liqueur, but sangrias made with triple sec are often too sweet, if you don’t have brandy—a type of distilled wine—and must use triple sec leave out the sugar. Using the juice of one and a half lemons or one lime and one lemon are acceptable variations. I like to garnish with lemon slices as the yellow peel contrasts nicely with the deep, purple-y/red color of the sangria.

Oh, and if it ain’t red wine it ain’t sangria. A perfectly nice wine punch or spritzer or whatever can be made with whites or blushes, but the name of the drink is sangria. As in sangre, as in the Spanish for blood. Unless you have some sort of horrible blood disease I’m assuming that your sangre is as rojo as mine.

Blast Off Into July with the Liver Punisher Drink of the Month Club: July Drink of the Month!

It’s a scorcher out there which means it’s time for a cool, refreshing summer drink which means it’s time for the Liver Punisher’s Drink of the Month Club: “Drink of the Month!”

July’s DotM takes me back to my childhood when I’d swill sugar beverages all day long. Before carbs, high fructose corn syrup, and mystery chemicals in food products were more than the remote concern of hippies. As I’ve said before we didn’t have much pop in the house as a lad, but what we did have was plenty of other sugar laden drinks. There were almost always several packs of Hi-C in the fridge, Ecto Cooler, if you please. And some sort of powdered drink mix in the panty.

From a youngerish age than most I was a fan of iced tea. In my current state I find a strong, dark, unsweetened black tea to be one of the more perfect thirst quenchers on the planet, but back then the sweeter the better I would say. Pre-sweetened, lemon flavored ice tea mix was a long time favorite, and then one day my mom brought home a canister of Tang from the grocery store. Mostly sweet with a slightly sour kick, a handful of vitamins, and it mixed up quick in water. I was hooked.

After bouncing back and forth between the two mixes for a while, it dawned on my one day: why not both at the same time. Surely it would work the lemony zing of the tea and faux citrus splash of the Tang? And guess what. It did.

In the spirit of the Black and Tan and the Arnold Palmer I give you the next great 50/50: the John Glenn!

The recipe is simple enough, just mix equal parts Tang and sweetened, lemon flavored ice tea mix together in a vessel of your choosing, stir in cold water until dissolved, and fill with a much ice a you can. The best part about this recipe is that it translates from I used to mix a scoop of each into my water bottle before little league games.

But wait, this is a Liver Punisher endeavor, surely there must be booze involved, yes? Duh.

First up is the Yuri Gagarin:
Add equal parts Tang and iced tea mix to a container. Use three quarters the water normally used to dilute the mixes and make up the rest with hearty Russian vodka, garnish with a twist of lemon and blast off, comrades!

For something a little more Americano try the Neil Armstrong:
Mix up a pitcher of John Glenns, half a gallon or so. Crack open your favorite lawnmower lager, something in a PBR might be nice, but anything in a 12oz. will do. Pour your brew into a pint glass and top with 3-4oz. of John Glenn for a space age twist on the michelada or summer shandy. Use some Yuri Gagarin if you’re really feeling adventurous.

And finally for those looking to really fire things up I offer the Buzz Aldrin:
Into a shaker, pitcher, or other mixing device pour enough 151 proof rum (151 vodka or citrus rum works in a pinch, but the operative word here is “buzz”) for you and your guests—you are making this for more than yourself I hope. Mix in ½ teaspoon of Tang and ½ tsp of iced tea mix per shot of liquor. Dose into shot glasses or serve over the rocks, but beware of black holes after take off!

Just be carful what you do with your Tang when you're not drinking it... http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,356491,00.html

Adventures With Myself and an Ice Cream Maker

Prologue:

Last week good friends and fellow food lovers Katie and Norm invited us down to Katie’s house in Akron for a little dinner party. They told us they’d be making some sort of lasagna and would be providing wine. So, when we asked what we might bring, “dessert might be nice” was the response. Being one of the world’s biggest fans of dessert, both eating and making, I started wracking my brain for the perfect ending to this friendly meal.

My first thought was the usual baked good. Cookies, cakes, etc. are a fun, favorite of mine to make, but with the mercury edging ever northwards these days the thought of spending a couple hours in a hot kitchen with oven on sounded like about as much fun as dental surgery. Something cold was certainly called for in this matter, and then it struck me: my ice cream maker.

For my birthday a few years ago I received a 1 quart capacity Cuisinart ice cream maker. Any chance I get to make something in it I do, that is, as long as there’s freezer space for the drum. Once I’d decided on a frozen dessert I began to consider what flavor. A big, rich chocolaty mocha or a smooth, creamy vanilla might be nice. But then again on a warm summer’s night after a filling meal and a glass or two of wine a full flavored, full fat ice cream assault might be too much. I began to reconsider my options and decided that a sherbet or sorbet might be the right answer.

(Note: in America the terms “sherbet” and “sorbet” are used interchangeably to refer to a frozen dessert made of sweetened water flavored with fruit, juice or puree, for the rest of this post when I refer to “sorbet” I will be referring to the aforementioned concoction. When I refer to “sherbet” I will be speaking of a dessert with the aforementioned ingredients as well as a small amount of dairy fat.)

PART I:

While looking over the instruction book for the ice cream maker, I haven’t used it in a few months and needed a refresher; I also looked over some the recipes they included. I’d had good luck with their ice cream recipes in the past so I figured I couldn’t go too far wrong with much simpler sorbet recipe. Lime sounded cool and refreshing for a summer’s eve, but it needed a little kick. Having recently perused the cocktail section of a Latin American cook book I own I had mojitos on my mind, and it came to me: Mojito Sorbet! The cool, refreshing combination of mint and lime would surely be a welcome finish to a hearty meal. Using Cuisinart’s recipe as a jumping off point here’s what I did:

Ingredients:
1½ cups fresh squeezed lime juice (I needed 11 [eleven!!!])
2¼ cups water
2 cups sugar
Freshly grated lime zest
Chopped, fresh mint (my addition)
2-3 tablespoons cold white rum (my addition)

How-to:
In a medium sauce pan combine the sugar and water. Heat on high until syrup reaches a boil then reduce heat to a simmer and stir until syrup is clear and sugar is fully dissolved. Once dissolved, remove syrup from heat and allow to cool to room temperature before transferring to refrigerator, this can be done in the cooking vessel or syrup can be transferred to another vessel for refrigeration. Meanwhile juice enough limes to yield 1½ cups of juice, again this will take a number of limes, and zest two, this is easiest pre-juicing. After juicing strain the lime squeezings to remove any pulp or seeds and mix in zest. Transfer lime juice to refrigerator. Ideally the syrup and juice should be prepared the day before and allowed to chill in the fridge overnight, but this can all be done the morning of, just remember that all the ingredients should be as cold as possible before they go into the machine. After a few hours chill time add the ingredients to ice cream maker per the manufacturer’s instructions.

This was the standard recipe, now here are the changes I made, and what I learned from my mistakes:
I put off making assembling this until just a few hours before the dinner party, and while I was able to get everything together I didn’t allow myself enough time for the syrup and lime juice to properly chill in the fridge. This meant that even after a spin in the ice cream maker’s my sorbet was more slushy than icy. This wouldn’t have been the end of the world if I’d had more freezer time, but the two hours it got to chillax just wasn’t enough so unfortunately this frozen treat had to stay at home.

Now, as for my additions to the recipe, the rum and mint, there are good results and bad results. The Good: the rum, with a much lower freezing point, ensures that even after a few hours in the chill chest the sorbet is still scoopable, a half-hour warm-up in the fridge prior to service is still a good idea, but not 100% necessary; I add alcohol to all ice cream maker recipes during the last two minutes of processing for this reason. Also, the rum adds a nice little bite to the dessert and helps clear the palate of any residual aftertastes. The Bad: While adding mint to the recipe was an excellent and inspired move on my part, it wasn’t chopped nearly enough and when I added it to the machine it all floated to the top and stayed there. I think if the concoction had frozen better initially it would’ve incorporated better, but there are still large ribbons of mint in the sorbet which aren’t the best thing to try and eat. If I was to try this again, and I probably will, I would process the rum and mint in a food processor or blender for a few seconds to make a slurry with mint flecks. It would be even better to do this at least a week or so a head of time so the alcohol could have time to extract soluble oils from the mint and allowing the flavor to permeate the desert more thoroughly.

The end result of this experiment was a wonderfully limey dessert that’s sour then sweet then sour again. It’s cool, refreshing, and delicious on a hot summery night, plus it tastes great mixed into other things. Nicole scrapped a few spoonfuls direct from the freezer into a glass and topped it with chilled vodka and lemonade to make a delicious and refreshing summer cocktail. It would also fair well in a blender with a shot or two of tequila and a splash of triple sec to make a frozen margarita that’s all growsed up.


Part II:
Following this reasonably, though not wholly, successful attempt at making a sorbet I was tempted to try something again. With the Fourth of July holiday in just a few days and a family cook-out in tow I was asked by the fam to bring some dessert along for the festivities. With this in mind and the idea of turning refreshing summer time beverages into icy desserts in mind I started to think about what would be a delicious follow-up to the traditional holiday fare of burgers and dawgs on the grill. Lemonade is an always popular cook-out libation, but lemon something would be too similar to the lime sorbet that I’d just attempted. Then it dawned on me: iced tea! I love iced tea in the summer, especially sweet tea and that seemed like the perfect thing to pour into the ice cream machine. But this time I felt the end result should be at least a little creamy so I decided I’d add a little milk and make a sweet tea sherbet. Here’s what I did:

Ingredients:
3¼ cups water
¾ cup sugar
4 tea bags
1 cup whole milk
½ pinch baking soda (optional)
2-3 tablespoons chilled vodka (optional)

But What Do I Do With It??!?:
Into a medium sized pot add the water and tea bags. Heat on high until water boils then reduce heat and stir in sugar and baking soda (the saltiness of the baking soda helps curb some of the bitterness of the tea and will help set the deep brown tone of the tea, it’s not necessary but many sweet tea recipes call for it) and allow to simmer until sugar has dissolved and tea has reduced slightly. Once tea syrup is thoroughly combined remove the tea bags and allow to rest until mixture reaches room temperature. Once cooled, cover tea syrup and place in refrigerator until completely chilled—again, all ingredients should be as cold as possible, but still liquid, before put in the ice cream maker. Once completely chilled add ingredients to ice cream maker per manufacturer’s instructions, reserving the addition of the vodka until the last two minutes.

How It Turned Out:
In a word: awesome. In two words: totallyfracking awesome. The resulting product was richer and creamier than the lime sorbet, but not as big and full as ice cream. It had a nice, smooth mouth feel with just a hint of crystalline, icy crunch. And after analyzing the taste over and over, I feel like all the elements were perfectly balanced. The tea flavor was full and apparent without being overwhelming or terribly bitter; I had originally thought about adding a fifth tea bag to the mixture but my decision against was correct. Also, instead of using plain black tea I opted for Earl Grey, the light, citrusy tang of the Bergamot oil was the perfect sour component to a dish that was already slightly sweet and bitter. While deciding on what dairy to add I considered using half-n-half and heavy cream, but ultimately I feel that whole milk was the right choice, adding some rich-and-creaminess to the dish without making it overly fatty or terribly unhealthy (about 1oz./18 calories of whole milk per serving). With only ¾ cup of sugar in the whole quart the dessert isn’t overly sweet, either. It could be upped to a whole cup for a really sweet dessert or pared down to half a cup for between-course palate cleanser.

I’m pretty modest when it comes to the food that I make, but all things considered, this sherbet recipe was a pretty solid homerun, especially since I invented the recipe myself. Having looked over a number of other recipes and knowing the total capacity of the cream-machine, I realized that anything I wanted to make in it was simply a matter of creating one quart of a flavorful, freezable liquid.

Epilogue:

Shmepilogue.

Post Script:

After reading this you might be thinking, "Jon, I don't have an ice cream maker and I can't afford to go out and buy one, but I really want to make these and other recipes just like them. Please help!"

Well, fean not, my gadgetless friends for the Italian's have just the thing for you: Granitas! A granitas is essentailly a courser frozen treat that is slightly more akin to a sno-cone than a sorbet, it's name refers to the grainy texture of the ice crystals that are formed when it is made. To make a granita pour all your ingredients, throughly pre-mixed of course, into a 9x13 inch metal pan and place in the freezer. Every half-hour remove pan from freezer, stir liquid and scrape any ice crystals that have formed off the sides. Repeat this process until the liquid is frozen and the pan is full of flakey ice. Fluff your granita with a fork before serving and enjoy.

For more granita recipes and information visit these links:

http://www.mangiabenepasta.com/granita.html

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/coffee-granita-recipe/index.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Granita

Detective Liver Punisher and the Curious Case of the Patriot Shot

Earlier this week, Monday to be precise, having wrapped up practice with the new band, Modestly Nautical, we decided that some post practice libations were in order. The closest watering hole to Joe’s house/practice spot is a fantastic little dive bar in South Euclid known as: The Razzle Dazzle!

This is the kind of place you’d expect to see your uncle who thinks Larry the Cable Guy is hilarious or that neighbor with the Iroc and the wraparound shades. It’s a working man’s bar and it is damn proud of it, too. It’s décor is simple, a few tables and chairs, bar stools, giant American flag, the usual, with a few slot machine-like skill games in the corner and a big screen TV that yearns for the return of football season. In a nutshell: this bar is perfect.

The drink selection is somewhat limited, mostly domestic beers—I think I saw Heineken’s in the cooler, but that’s less an import and more a waste of money—and the standard gin/tequila/rum/vodka/whiskey behind the bar along side some very old looking fairly dusty bottles of amaretto and other cordials that seem to be as much decoration as ingredient.

As we were ordering a round of Buds and Miller Lites our extremely friendly bartender mentioned there was a special shot available should we want and that a dollar from the price of each shot would be donated to the USO. The name of this drink-for-charity? The Patriot Shot, of course.

Two rounds in, we’d all switched to High Life at this point, our collective interests were piqued. I walked inside to buy my round of beers and a few Patriot Shots for the table. When this option had been first broached by the bartender we were trying to figure out what this “sweet, delicious, red-white-and-blue” shot might entail. My guess was a layered shot with grenadine, lemonade, and blue Curacao floating on top of each other. After ordering them I found that I wasn’t too far of the mark.

Here’s how it went down:
First the bartender filled a rocks glass a third to a half full with Smirnoff Ice. He then tipped the glass and carefully poured grenadine down the side of the glass which is thick and syrupy enough to lift the Smirnoff ice up a quarter of an inch. So that’s the red and the white, but how does the blue get in there? Well, the barkeep grabbed a cocktail shaker—I was a little surprised that the Raz Daz has one—scooped in some ice then poured in blue Curacao and vodka and gave the whole thing a good shake. This blue vodka mix was doled out into shot glasses and were set, not dropped a la Jaeger Bomb, into the rocks glass. The effect is somewhat like an inverted Bomb Pop with a blue vein running through out and peeking out the top.

And the taste:
Not bad considering the Smirnoff Ice or gross juice as I like to call it. It’s got the sugary candy blast from the grenadine and the orangey bite from the Curacao which balance out the chemically painful sweet-n-sour zing of the gross juice. The Patriot Shot goes down smooth and tastes too good to be alcoholic, but it is. It seems like there would be a better way to build this without sweet-n-sour malt liquor, but I’m not sure what. Coconut rum? Real, actual lemonade? Anything other than barfy-time hangover juice would be an improvement.

And now you know what to serve your friends and family this Fourth of July weekend, because nothing says America quite like booze and patriotism!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRCQypnVeXA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNtTEibFvlQ

Oh! Speaking of Smirnoff Ice, am I the last person to find out about this: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/09/business/media/09adco.html?scp=1&sq=bros%20icing%20bros&st=cse

Homemade Ginger Ale

We never had a lot of pop, or “soda” as some people call it, in the house growing up. Some times for parties we’d have a few 2 liters, but really the only carbonated soft drink in regularly our house was ginger ale. There for the rare occasion that a mixed drink was being made or for upset stomachs, a six pack of Canada Dry was usually in the pantry or garage. I think it’s because of this that ginger ale has long been a favorite of mine. It’s crisp, refreshing bite is unlike any other pop on the market science or placebo a bottle always made me feel at least a little better when I was under the weather.

But it wasn’t something I ever really thought about too much—because who really sits around and contemplates their preferred soda for more than a few seconds—until recently. We spent a portion of this past winter warming body and soul with the hearty, refreshing blend of bourbon and ginger ale and now that the weather is nicening up a bit I’ve become enamored with the classic cocktail the Moscow Mule (http://whatweeatislaughable.blogspot.com/2010/06/liver-punisher-drink-of-month-club-1.html). While drinking all this ginger ale I started to remember an episode of Good Eats I’d seen a while back entitled “Ginger: Rise of the Rhizome” in which food genius Alton Brown discusses the unique qualities of the ginger root—not really a root, rather an underground portion of the stem from which roots grow—and its application to cuisine. On this episode one of the final recipes Brown shares is for homemade ginger ale. After looking it up (http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/ginger-ale-recipe/index.html) and remembering how simple it was I decided I would make my own rather than continue to drink mystery chemical water.

The recipe is simple enough and only requires a little time and patience. For this application you will need:

1½ ounces of freshly grated ginger
6 ounces of sugar
7½ ounces of filtered water
1/8 teaspoon of dry active yeast
2 tablespoons of fresh squeezed lemon juice

After grating the ginger add it, the sugar, and ½ cup of the water to a small pot. Place the pot on medium-high heat until the sugar completely dissolves. Then remove from heat and let steep for an hour. After an hour pour syrup through a fine mesh strainer into a bowl and press ginger pulp to extract any remaining syrup. If the syrup is still above room temperature place the bowl in the fridge or an ice bath until the temperature is somewhere between 68 and 72 degrees (you don’t want to kill the yeast!). Once cooled pour the syrup, yeast, lemon juice and remaining water into a two-liter bottle, cap, and gently shake to combine the ingredients. Allow the mix to stand for about two days, opening occasionally, once or twice a day, to relieve pressure. Once the desired level of carbonation is achieved place bottle in the fridge, opening once a day to relieve pressure.

So, I put this together this past Tuesday and after two whole days(!) of waiting I finally poured a glass. The results? Excellent! The taste is much different than most commercially sold ginger ales. This yields a much lighter, crisper, true ginger taste with just a hint of acidity from the lemon—it’s kind of like the salt or vanilla in a recipe, it’s not overwhelmingly noticeable but it wouldn’t be the same without it. On its own the ginger ale is clean, refreshing, and delicious with no overly sugary tooth rot feel or gross diet chem after taste, just sparkly, ginger goodness. My only complaint, and it’s minor, is that it’s not strong enough. I think nest round I’m going to up the ginger level a bit, and maybe try lime juice in stead of lemon. The only reason this is an issue is because the ginger-ness of the ale gets lost when mixing it. I think it’ll be a solid base for a Moscow Mule or something subtle like that, but with whisky it’s just tingly mouth feel from the carbonation and a bit of ginger after taste, not bad, but I don’t want it to be drowned out completely.

This recipe was so easy and delicious there’s no reason not to give it a shot and make you own homemade ginger ale!

Soy Chorizo Two Ways!

On a recent shopping expedition Nicole procured soy chorizo from Trader Joe’s. She texted me about this find and I could only respond with curious trepidation. It rested in the fridge tempting, no, daring us to try it. But how? What is the best way to cook and consume soy chorizo?

The first wave of inspiration came a few nights ago while Nicole had a house guest. I was in the process of firing up the grill for some brats and burgers, but that’s about all we had and the light fluid had just been lit, there was time to kill and bellies to fill. So into the frying went the chorizo along with some olive oil and minced onion. We allowed it to brown a bit and warm through while the onions took some color and flavor. Once it was sufficiently heated through we layered it onto tortilla chips with black beans and cheese before popping it all into the oven for a few to melt the cheese. Cheese now sufficiently melt-y we heaped some sour cream onto the pile and dug in. The result? Some of the best goddamned nachos I’ve ever set tooth to, and I’ve had my fair share of nachos. (Like the Jamaican jerk chicken nachos with pineapple salsa at ABC the Tavern!)

Half a chorizo down we were considering our options for the rest of the sausage-like soy food product when it dawned on us: breakfast! Of course this would make a great breakfast treat! So earlier this week we hatched a plan for a breakfast-for-dinner evening repast. Skipping to the chase: it was a rousing success. Now, here’s how we did it:

Nicole pre-sliced a few small potatoes on the wide slicer blade of her box grater. These potato chips were layered into a skillet with some olive oil. With each layer that went in we sprinkled on Mexican chili powder, salt and pepper, or crushed garlic. The bottom of the potato layer cake was allowed to sufficiently brown before we flipped it over and mixed in the other half of the soy chorizo. The rest of the potatoes were given time to brown and absorb some spicy chorizo goodness. When the potatoes and chorizo seemed to be almost-but-not-quite done we poured four well scrambled raw eggs over the whole deal and let that cook for a few minutes. Once the eggs seemed mostly set, save for the top, we popped the oven-safe skillet this was cooking in under the broiler. After a minute or so in the broiler a handful of cheese was tossed on top and back under it went. Cheese melted and browning just around the edges we pulled the rig from the broiler and sliced it up. Served with a dollop of sour cream, a few shakes of Valentina (Mexico’s hot sauce of choice) and a few dots of sriracha our soy chorizo/hash brown\frittata was not only done but capitol-A-awesome. Spicy, savory, and hearty as hell, this would be an excellent start, or end in our case, to the day. Oh, it’s great with a beer, too!

All I’m saying, I guess, is give soy chorizo a chance. And why not? It's fairly helathy, full of protein, spicy and well seasoned. It has great texture and is ready to go right out of the package. It can be heated along with whatever it's being served with or served chilled from the fridge. The only draw back to the soy chorizo is that it has to extricated from its non-edible casing. Not the end of the world, but it does mean no spicy soy chorizo on the grill.

Quick and Easy Homemade Black Bean Burgers

Nicole and I were looking for a quick, easy, and generally healthy meal a few nights ago. We had missed our chance to hit up a restaurant and the grocery store across the street was closed so we were left with few options other than what was in the cupboard. While wracking our brains I suddenly remembered a super easy and totally delicious recipe for homemade black bean burgers that can more than likely be made with what’s in your pantry right now. After a quick double check of the recipe on the internet this is what we made:

Ingredients:
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
½ cup bread crumbs
½ onion
½ pepper
3 cloves of garlic
1 egg
Cayenne pepper or chili powder, to taste
Cumin, to taste
Hot sauce to taste

Directions:
Pre-heat oven to 375* or begin heating grill. Place onion, pepper, and garlic in a food processor, process until smooth, set aside. In a small mixing bowl combine egg, cayenne, cumin, and hot sauce, set aside. Pour beans into medium sized bowl and mash with a large fork until mostly uniformly creamy (a few whole beans or bean parts are fine). Mix in egg and spice mixture. Mix in onion/pepper/garlic mixture. Fold in bread crumbs a little at a time; until mixture become firm and workable by hand (you may not need the full ½ cup of crumbs). Divide mixture into 4 parts and shape into patties. Place on baking sheet and bake at 375* for 10 minutes per side, a properly heated grill should only take 3-5 minutes per side.

From here you have a slightly southwestern flavored blank canvass to work on, top it with guacamole, salsa, cheese, jalapenos, barbeque sauce, or anything else you desire. Or you could alter the base flavor of the burger by subbing out the hot sauce, cayenne, and cumin for other herbs and spices. With a little basil, oregano, a squeeze of tomato paste, and a sprinkle of parmesan you’ve got an Italian black bean burger that could be topped with a little marinara and sautéed mushrooms. The sky is literally the limit; anything you can do to a meat burger can be done to these. When we made these the other night we didn’t have the onion or pepper so we left them out and instead folded in some diced mushrooms both for taste and texture and dressed them with spinach, satium mustard, and horseradish. Or how about some sautéed onions and Swiss on rye for a black bean Patty Melt? Plus these are already completely vegetarian friendly, but could easily be made vegan by leaving out the egg completely or mixing in one egg’s worth of egg replacer (I stand by Enner-G in these matters).

These burgers were simple to make, delicious, filling, and require nothing strange or unusual. Oven time make take a few minutes but while they’re in there you’ll have more than enough time to wash up the few dishes this soils and crack open another beer or let that bottle of red start to breathe. Enjoy!